Ra Jace Aughtry

Today’s blog is dedicated to my angel baby Ra Jace Aughtry.

Tomorrow is his birthday so I wanted to share a little of my experience dealing with the loss of him and some of my memories of the last moments I had with him. Every year since his passing my girls have wanted to do something special to celebrate him, in an effort to lift my spirits. I’m always on board until the day of and then boom, I’m flooded with all kinds of emotions and I cant think straight. Let alone celebrate and be around people.

Losing a child is never easy no matter how much time passes, and even though he wasn’t here on earth very long the hurt is still indescribable. I was blessed to have had only a few minutes with RJ before he passed and I didn’t want to let him go. So much so that after he took his last breath I held him in my arms until the next day. I remember the hospital Chaplain coming in and asking if they could take him, I did not want to say goodbye. He would’ve been 4yrs old this year and the closer we get to his birthday I’m sadden that his brothers never got the chance to see him. I find myself daydreaming about how he would’ve been rolling around with them, or if he’d be into taking pictures like his big brother AJ , or fighting like his baby brother DJ. I just wish so badly that I got the chance to watch them grow up together.

I’m extremely grateful that I have my tribe to support me through this time and my babies who remind me everyday that being their mom is the best gig on earth! This year we are going to celebrate him with a balloon release from our backyard, I just pray that I can get through it without breaking down.

To all my mom friends who’s dealing with the loss of a child, remember its ok to grieve for however long you need to. Scream! Cry! Shout! whatever helps, DON’T let anyone make you feel bad about it. Let the sweet memories give you the energy you need to keep pushing.

Continue to rest my angel baby

7-18-16 my 4th 4ver love

Mommy love you!